Have I hit bottom yet?

I'm so sick...my stomach is in knots. Why?
The husband and I got into a fight last night...it turned physical. I started it by pushing him. It ended with me trying to leave, but my key wouldnt turn in my ignition, so I started walking. A good friend of mine picked me up and bought me a burger. We sat talking, while I cried. As I was sitting there I received a call from a number I didnt recognize. I decided to block my number & call it back. I hear a man say, hello...hello...amber is that you...this is deputy zepeda. I think Oh Shit. What now. I called him back. He said that they'd received a call from Jeff about a fight, and they wanted to talk to me.
So my dinner ends abruptly. I walked back to the condo and was met outside by 2 officers and one other guy...I'm not sure who he was. They asked some questions, wanted to know if I had hit my husband. I told them that we had gotten into an argument and I had shoved him. I was told that he and my children had a different story, so I had to be taken to jail. Yup, that's right..Jail.
I was then handcuffed, walked to the squad car, put in and drove off.
When we got to the station, I was taken to a room...like a module that had a couple of desks in it, so the officers could do the paperwork. I answered the questions asked. Had my picture taken (all sides) and pictures taken of my hands as well. I was then told by the officer that there was a temporary restraining order (7 days) and I would not be able to go w/in 100 feet (yards whatever it is) of my husband (who cares!) and my children. At that point I began to cry. How could I go so long without see my children! The depute understood that the thought and actuality of that was unbearable for me. He explained that it was for everyone's good. A cooling down period.
After writting up all the information, I was taken into the jail. Once inside the handcuffs were taken off. I had to surrender all the items I had on me...my necklace, hair clip, phone, keys, toe rings...My pockets were checked and I was patted down for any other objects. From there I was taken to another room where my finger/hand prints were taken digitally. (was actually pretty cool. but not from my vantage point) My picture was taken again and placed on a wrist band, that was assembled and placed around my wrist. I was issued a blanket/sheet & comb, toothbrush, then walked to the cell. As I walked through the door there were two beds on each side of the room. Two on my right (one over the other) and two on my left. Straight in front of me was a stainless steel toilet with sink above it. ...and one of those "mirrors" like you'd see in a camping bathroom. In the right corner was a metal stool. to the left of the toilet was a phone. Left of the phone was a "poster" with a listing of all the bail bondsmen. My first call was to my "friend". Once the call connected I had 2 seconds to try to talk with him them was disconnected! I was told by the recording that I could not call that number back for 30 minutes! I was in shock! Thinking NOW WHAT? I looked over the ads and found a face I recognized. (oddly enough) I had met the man at my property management job. He had been looking for someone who had skipped out on their court date. I called him. Explained my situation, asked him to call my "friend" back to come down and post bail. I was then instructed to call him back in 15-20 minutes. I had no way to keep track of time, so I turned on the tv. (yes, there was a television!) I sat in the corner crying my eyes out as the realization came to me that seven days would be about Nov 1. My daughter's birthday is on the 31st and her birthday party was on the 1st.
As I sat there trying to judge how many minutes had passed (never have I felt so alone), the deputy that booked me came into my cell. He said he had just got off the phone with the judge, to set my bail & see if i was elligable for bail. He explained the situation to her. He then told me she had asked an unusual question. The judge asked if I had children. He said I did. She then over turned the original restraining order against my children. I would be allowed to see my children!!!!!!!!! (jst not the husband.) As the deputy gave me the paper he said it was a miracle. That is something she would not normally have done. Praise God! He heard my heart's agony, and answered. (if only all things were answered so quickly)
A few minutes later I was escorted out of my cell, because the bail bondsman had arrived. I was taken to another "room" and locked in. In front of me was a partition w/ a counter. To my right was a "seat" built into the wall. Also to the right was a window, so the officers could watch the inmate. Everything had heavy-duty wire over the glass. I spoke w/ the man, filled out his paperwork. Told him I had met him before and made some small talk. He took a call from my "friend" who was on his way. The bail bondsman explained that I would be let out of jail on bail, $1000, and would have a court appearance in a couple of weeks. I was told that most likely the charges will be dismissed. After all the papers were signed, I was taken from that room to the hallway where I was first admitted. I was given my things to sign out. I was taken outside the jail (in the back) and released. They had opened the gate, that the squad cars drive through, for me to walk through. As I was walking toward the gate, it started to close....so I ran! :) FREEDOM!
I walked around to the front of the building where I was met by the bail bondsman and my "friend". I've never been so happy. I gave mi amigo a huge hug, as he told me, Here comes Martha Stewart! Freakin boy. We then climbed into his beamer and followed the bail bondsman to his office where he had to pay for my release. (non-refundable)
As I was leaving the jail I was told that my husband was supposed to take my car from his place to mine. Well, my friend & I drove by my place and, surprise-surprise, my car wasnt there. I then called a friend from church and asked him to drive my car down the street...which they did. I picked it up & drove home.
I wouldn't let my "friend" leave me. ... and he didn't. He sat on the couch holding me, letting my cry my eyes out, until I fell asleep. He then took me to my room, where again I didn't want him to leave. I couldn't stand being alone. So he stayed. I don't know how long. But he held me most of the night. I couldn't get close enough. Sleep was intermittent. I finally fell into a deep sleep, then he left.
So was the worst night of my life!

Betrayed

Were do I begin...
I'm NOT perfect. I don't claim to be. I've done my share of shit...and I'm paying for it.

What I DON'T understand is how the closest friend I had could betray me! We hung out all the time...we did stupid things together...when she suspected another woman hittin' on her man (or visa versa) I was ready to fight along side her...I was in it.

What I didnt expect....was hearing she & my husband (that I had been separated a month from) were having lunch together...before we were separated. A family friend saw them. So I confronted him. He admitted to having lunch. He said the other guys ditched him at the last minute. Further prodding found out it was more than one lunch....more than talking about spouses....more. It got physical. He admitted to making out with my (ex) "best friend". He said they did not have sex. Did he? I don't think so. But I just got through looking thru phone records...and I think it was going on longer than he may have admitted to...so.... I honestly dont know. At this moment, I dont want to know!

Again, I am not by any means innocent. I've done my share of wrong. But......it wasnt screwing around with anyone he was remotely close to! Anyways.....

When I confronted her.....she says Mija...I was helping you guys out....it was all "above board"... ABOVE BOARD MY FOOT! Well, to this day, she has admitted to nothing. IN FACT, she is making shit up about me! Saying that I went to her place of work (which I did, WITH my husband) to harass her. WHICH IS NOT TRUE. When we arrived, my husband called her over. He told her that he had told me everything about their "relationship". She did not admit to or deny anything. I did tell her not to contact him in any way. But I did so in a stern voice. At no point did I yell at her. But she is spreading a whole different story.

So....here I sit. Alone in my apartment. My kids fast asleep. I love them so much. I wish things did not have to happen this way.